Isn't it amazing what a year or two can do and change? So many unexpected twists and turns. I have been on a self-growth journey now for some time and when I started, I could not have known where things would bring me.
This week I dropped my first official podcast episode and I am so excited! (If you aren't following it yet, take a listen here). If you would have asked me even a year ago if I pictured myself doing this, I likely would have laughed a little and said “No freaking way!”… I never saw myself as a podcaster, actually hadn't really considered it to be even an option for me.
Why not? Because putting yourself out there is terrifying. It's vulnerable...it's real and imperfect. And the perfectionist in me would never have allowed it in the past. I have had to work through a lot of the many limiting beliefs I had held onto for so long and have come to an understanding with myself. I am imperfect, and everything I do is imperfect, and that is ok!
But I decided that if I am going to teach and preach mindfulness, I need to put my vulnerable ass out there, and do it in a perfectly imperfect kinda way! So that's what I am doing! In fact, a lot of the work that I have been doing up until now has been around promoting mindfulness and teaching it in the best way that I know how. And I know that the more I do it, the better and more efficient I will be.
Friends, this is why self-awareness is so important!
To get here, I have had to reflect, a lot. What do I want out of this life? What do I need MORE of in my life? How can I be the best I can be? What do I need to do to be the best I can be?
These questions among many others are the ones I pondered for many years trying to understand who I was at my core. I needed to identify my core values and learn to live in congruence with them.
What I have discovered is that the fundamental values of mindfulness have in a way always been a part of me, I just never had the words to define them. Until now...
I had been contemplating changing my career for years now, but never truly had the courage to do it because of the fears that I was constantly facing, mainly the fear of leaving a secure job (or the thought of a secure job - back to this in a moment). And also the fear of rejection, the fear of not being good enough, but I think most of all, it was (and maybe still is) the fear of being judged.
I think that fear of being judged, holds many of us back, because, all anyone wants is to fit in. It's one of our most basic survival instincts. And most of us will keep with what’s safe because we know what to do or say to not stand out in a way that could jeopardize our need for belonging.
Ok, so side-bar, the security of a job - this is an illusion, a lie we tell ourselves. I know because I stuck to this illusion until very recently when I lost my job. I was holding myself back from going after what I wanted and doing more of the things I loved because I believed in the security of my job. I know what I wanted to do, but I couldn't bravely leave a good-paying job - that I hated.
The universe took care of it though. My employment was unexpectedly terminated. I had put it out there that I needed to leave this job (for many reasons that I will not get into - but, in short, I was not well). I hated going to work every day, but I couldn't bare to leave it.
The desire to leave this job was so strong, I felt it so emotionally, that even though deep down I wanted the security of a job, the Universe gave me what I wanted. Not in the way I expected. But that's the thing with life, sometimes things come at you from an angle you didn't think could be possible. I never thought, not even for a minute, that I would lose my job. As I worked through the blow of this loss in security, I spent a couple of days wallowing in self-pity and in tears. I went from having a job to none, from having a routine to not knowing what to do and feeling sorry for myself. And, I allowed myself to work through these emotions because they were there and ignoring them would not do me any good.
I was angry, then sad, then I felt some disbelief, and then... I realized this had been what I wanted all along. I just didn't have the courage to do it.
Heeeeeello! I had an opportunity here. I decided to take my severance, re-invest some of it back into myself and pursue what I want. Will it work out? I don't know. It doesn't matter right now. All that matters to me, at this moment, is that I can do what I need to do to live my life most congruently with my core values and pursue my goals.
And honestly, I have no idea what the future will bring, but what I do know, regardless of whether or not it turns into a career, I need to help people - the people who wish to - practice more mindfulness in their lives and live in a place of compassion, unconditional acceptance and love. Because, we all know, the world needs much more of that.
I found my passion, and it took me a really long time to find it. How I do this, is different depending on the situation, the person, and the circumstances, but ultimately, helping people to see how easy it is to take responsibility for their lives through mindfulness and self-awareness, is really beautiful.
For the first time in my life, I feel so aligned with my purpose and all I know is that for now, I need to zone in on my gifts, become the best mindfulness teacher, and put myself out there…
I need to take the risk because as long as I am not living congruently with my core values, I will am not living in alignment with my purpose. And here’s the coolest about practicing mindfulness – when we can get past the issues that are keeping us stuck in our stories and the things we convince ourselves, we can really begin to explore the parts of ourselves that we have ignored for so long and find the little golden nuggets that have been there, that we just couldn’t see.
I now know and acknowledge that I have so much to offer this world, and while it took me so long to finally believe it, it’s not too late for me to go after my passion. Those who want in will follow, and those who are not open to receiving me or what I have to offer, that’s OK! They just are not ready. There was a time when I wasn’t ready either.
Someone once asked me: "When you die, what legacy do you want to leave behind?"
My first response was, "What kind of question is that?". But then, as I reflected on it more carefully, I realized that I had no idea. It occurred to me that I had no vision for myself. It also occurred to me that also meant that I didn't know what kind of person I wanted to be.
What would I want my loved ones to say about me at my funeral? What kind of person was I to them? How would I want to be remembered by my friends? By my colleagues?
What contributions or achievements, would I want to be remembered by? What difference would I have made in their lives?
I know these questions are a little morbid to think about, but, consider how you are living your life right now, compared to how you would have wanted it. We need to create for ourselves a frame of reference on which we begin to live our lives.
Each part of our lives – today’s behaviours, choices, and actions and tomorrow’s, next week’s, next year's, and so on, can easily be considered in the context of the whole, and all of that is what really matters most to us.
By keeping that end in mind, we can make certain that whatever we do on a regular day works in favour of what we have decided and defined as of value in our lives. It means creating a clear understanding of our final destination. Knowing where we are going so that we can better understand where we are at now, and take the necessary steps in the right direction.
Finding the things in life that we value can really help us find the direction we have been searching for. The idea here is to become aware of your attention and direct it, purposefully toward where you are headed. Attention is so interwoven in our experience of what is happening that it can be hard to tease it out, but it is important to pay attention to our inner world.
This is what I am doing right now.
Because if we don’t take responsibility for the life we have created, we empower others and circumstances in our lives to create our lives for us. We reactively live the scripts handed to us by others, their agenda, the stresses and pressures of life, the limiting beliefs we adopt in our childhood, and our conditioning, etc. whether we are aware of it or not. And we allow these to control every part of our life.
Because we already live with so many scripts, or stories, that have been handed down to us, the process of developing self-awareness allows us to identify these scripts and begin re-scripting our lives. As we begin to recognize and acknowledge the ineffective scripts and untrue stories, then we can begin to create new ones.
When I think about my own funeral, I think about the legacy I want to leave behind. I want my children to remember me as a loving, supportive mom who shared the fun and pain of growing up. I want them to remember me as the parent they could go to and trust with their problems and concerns.
I would want to have my friends to remember me as someone who was always present and available to listen and work through life's challenges and the unconditional acceptance and love I offered.
I would want my colleagues and clients to remember me as someone who acted with integrity, and honesty and who worked to empower everyone to live their best lives.
Because I have self-awareness, I can examine my deepest values, and I can recognize when the stories or scripts I am living are not in harmony with those values, and I can change that. Acknowledging the legacy I want to leave behind allows me to approach my life in a way that is congruent with my core values. Only I am responsible to make that happen. I can make decisions based on those values. I can act with integrity. I don’t have to react to the emotion, the circumstances. I can truly be proactive, and value-driven because my values are clear.
That's not to say I don't have emotional days or difficult days, I am human after all. What it means is that after I allow myself to feel all the emotions, I tap into my wise mind and stay on track with my values and base my decisions and actions from that place. And when I do slip up, yes it does happen, I own it and I apologize. My egoic mind still creeps in from time to time, the only difference now is that I can step away from it...
Perfectly Imperfect,
Stephanie
Please follow my Facebook page Reclaim Your Self, follow me on Insta @gifted_soul81, and visit and subscribe to my blog at https://www.beautifulmindful.org/.
#mindfulness #self-awarenss #innergrowth #self-growth #personaldevelopment #happy #perfectlyimperfect
留言