My best friend sent me a meme the other day:
“Feeling the need to be busy all the time is a trauma response and fear-based distraction from what you’d be forced to acknowledge and feel if you slowed down”. (author unknown).
Talk about an “aha” moment…
Ooh, sometimes reality just slaps us right in the face…
I have no idea who wrote it but, its message is loud and clear; at least it was for me! It reminded me how, sometimes, our minds are so busy processing all kinds of information, distractions, and internal chatter that we don’t allow ourselves to be present in the moment to deal effectively with whatever it is we are struggling with.
We spend so much energy re-visiting the past by analyzing the “could haves” and “should haves” of life or we get caught up on the “what-ifs” of the future or other scenarios that will probably never happen. The chatter in our brains is just noise and listening to it leaves us powerless.
The thing is, when we stay stuck in the shadows of our past, we prevent ourselves from focusing on what truly matters; right now. We don’t have control of the past, because, well, it’s already happened and cannot be changed, and we don’t have control over the future, because it hasn’t happened yet. We only have control over right now, today, this moment in time. The only thing we can control is how we choose to be in this moment.
So, for those of you who are striving to become more mindful, a good place to begin is understanding what mindlessness looks like.
How does mindlessness interfere with our ability to be present in the moment?
I like to refer to mindlessness as “inside-the-box” thinking. When we adopt mindless approaches to life, we often rely on automatic behaviours. We accept labels based on our experiences of the past and allow them to define us. In turn, these labels influence the choices we make or don’t make and we lose sight of our inherent worth. But, when we begin to let go of these labels, we no longer remain prisoners of self-definition and we begin to rely on the potential we carry within ourselves.
Too often, we become consumed by the things we see as obstacles in life, rather than focusing on the opportunities that exist. It is so much easier to complain about the difficulties and challenges of life than it is to accept and act on them. So often I hear people make statements such as “if only this…” or “if only that”. Well, we can complain about the things that are bad or wish we could have, or, we can focus on the things we are grateful for and strive for the things we want.
Being mindless is acting from a single perspective. In a previous post, I refer to the three ways of “seeing" where I describe the different ways in which we can approach life. When we see from one perspective, we limit our ability to see beyond the self. We become stuck in the “I” and “me” approach to life. We stay stuck in a cycle of blaming others for our issues rather than taking and accepting responsibility for our own behavior. Having limiting perspectives, limits mindfulness.
For a long time, I acted in mindless ways. I blamed everyone for my troubles. I focused so much energy on being angry that I delayed the process of self-healing. I wasted so much time revisiting the past that I lost touch with my life in the moment which affected my relationships with the people I cared about the most. I allowed the persistent chatter in my brain to control my life. I listened to and believed the messages that constantly challenged my worthiness as a person.
Each one of us has our own story to tell. No one story is better or worse than another. My story is mine only. No one can understand what it felt to go through my life, just as I can’t understand what it felt like for you to go through yours. The only thing we can do is accept it, own it, and grow from it. When we allow ourselves to grow from our experiences, we begin to define life in a way that we choose to make meaning of it.
Accept the chatter, acknowledge the clutter in your mind and the distractions in your life, and let it go.
Four Steps to Becoming More Mindful
1) Become more self-aware: Begin with “checking in” with yourself when you are triggered or provoked. Ask yourself, in the moment, “how am I feeling right now?” and then ask yourself why you are feeling that way. Try to notice your body language, and the words you are using to express yourself. Perhaps you have some unmet need or someone is not meeting your expectation?
The idea is to practice “checking in” with yourself on a regular basis. This is the first step toward acknowledging your emotions, and accepting responsibility for your actions, behaviour, or choices as a result. Like I always tell my boys, you are in charge of yourself. No one MAKES you feel a certain way, you allow your feelings to take control. You can choose or not to let them. Feelings are important, but allowing them to consume your energy is not healthy.
“You cannot control the results, only your actions.” – Allan Lokos
2) Recognize your mental filters: Identify your destructive thought patterns that are already taking too much space in your mind. These destructive thoughts are poison and are untrue! They do not serve you well, so acknowledge them and let them go.
The chatter in our brains about the past is just noise and listening to it leaves us powerless. The beliefs of “not being good enough”, or from being told we are “useless” or whatever label we’ve adopted, none of them are true. Let. Them. Go! They are lies! The freedom that comes from letting go of these self-destructive and limiting thoughts is indescribable.
3) Consider your intentions: What matters to you? Go after it! Now! Go! For me it was this, mindfulness, mainly to become better at being me, but now that I am better, I want to help others. The point is, I went after it because my healing mattered to me.
For you, if it is that job, go get it! Whatever it is, take a risk. Need I remind you that failure is not a reflection of who you are but rather it is an opportunity for growth…
4) Direct your attention: As you become more aware of your destructive thought patterns and give more consideration to your intentions, you can begin to direct your energy and time to the things that really matter and toward more of what you really want.
Perfectly Imperfect,
Stephanie
Comments