Christmas certainly is in full swing, isn't it?! We are hearing Christmas music everywhere we go, seeing frantic shoppers where shoppers go, and let's not forget the lights and decorations that decorate our schools, businesses and homes. Christmas is said to bring much joy, but for many it can be a really stressful time; stressful on families, stressful on wallets and for others, lonely. And, let's not forget that not everyone celebrates Christmas!
Personally, I love the holiday season. I have so many happy childhood memories of family gatherings, traditions and cheers shared with many people that I loved. I was extremely fortunate to have family that made an effort to gather over the holidays, because often, this was the only time of year I would see many of my family members, especially as we grew older. Just being able to spread some cheer and a few laughs along the way, really made the holiday season special for me. I have my parents to thank for that because no matter how hard it was for them, they always made the effort to make each and every Christmas special.
Now that I am married and have children of my own, I especially love Christmas. I love creating memories and traditions with my own family. Every year on the same day (Dec 1), we set up our tree and decorate the house. The boys help put the decorations where they think they should go - with nudges from me of course. We do this as we sing along to Christmas songs or with a Christmas movie in the background to get us into the spirit. We schedule some time to bake cookies throughout the month of December and carve out time for family Christmas movie nights. I try to make the holidays special for my kids, like my parents did for us. I am both lucky and grateful.
As I age, I am more and more grateful for the things, people and love I am surrounded with because more and more I am beginning to understand that so many people out there are not as lucky as I was and continue to be. My family wasn't perfect, but during the holidays, the members of my family was able to put their differences aside to capture the true meaning of Christmas. For many families, this is difficult. While they are fortunate to have each other, sometimes, being with family is more stressful than not. Others, are alone - for various reasons - and no amount of decorations or Christmas cheer will make them enjoy the season. The point is, that Christmas is a different experience for everyone and we can never assume that this season is a happy one for everyone.
So how can you be more mindful during this holiday season?
First, begin by understanding that for many people, finances are a real and big struggle. Many people this time of year want to please their loved ones but financially aren't able to which leaves them feeling guilty and sadness. Not being able to afford to celebrate can be devastating for some. Remind them that time with them is more precious than any gift because being with ones you love, family or not, is the true meaning of Christmas.
The stress of the holidays is difficult for some. Planning family dinners, buying gifts, fatigue; this can be a lot to handle in this day in age. We have become a consumerist society where things are valued more than time with people. It is sad but true and this alone can be enough to elevate stress levels to unbearable levels for some. Be kind to people who are struggling.
Because it was never my experience, I always forget how lonely Christmas can make some people feel. Witnessing people spending time with their families over the holidays can be painful for those who are alone or grieving. Further, when people are estranged from their families, this season can usher in difficult feelings, including grief. Be patient with people who are in pain.
Finally, let's not forget recently divorced families who are often forced to adapt to new traditions, including splitting schedules between multiple families which often excess stress on the parents and also the children. We hear it all the time, families and loved ones can often be the source of much stress in our lives, so I can understand that for many, the festive season can breed tension and conflict.
Through practicing mindfulness, we can help make the season more positive!
Begin by managing your own expectations. Remember the blog post from a couple weeks ago in which I talk about expectations and how unrealistic expectations set us up for disappointment? Well, it applies during the holidays as well. Let us be grateful for what we have and leave our unrealistic expectations at home. Just be present. Just be. That's all.
Remember that the true meaning of Christmas is about sharing love and spreading joy. Sharing love is not about the most expensive thing you can get your child or being the best host. It is about being authentic in your conversations and spending meaningful time with loved ones. Let go of the need for perfection and just be. Simple acts of kindness are also a great way to spread joy.
Enjoy the time you have with your family and stop comparing your life to the lives of others. If there is anything you should do this holiday season is ignore the social media show-offs, PLEASE, I beg of you! Don't get sucked in by social media! Social media is but a brief snapshot, a single perspective of reality and is never the full truth!
Connecting to others, family members, friends, whomever is important to our happiness and wellbeing. We can be present in our conversations by being open and listening with patience and acceptance. We don't always need to agree with what a person is saying, but we can be open about accepting different perspectives and trying to understand rather than judging. This conveys respect for the other person.
Finally, it's ok to overindulge over the holidays. There is a rule I live by when it comes to the holidays called the 80/20 rule. If we are mindful of what we eat 80 percent of the time, then we can treat ourselves for the remaining 20 percent of the time. It is OK to treat yourself during the holidays! Being mindful is also about being mindful of what and how much we eat.
Give the gift of "being" this holiday season and be grateful for the blessings in your life!
Happy Holidays!
Perfectly Imperfect,
Stephanie
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