Living mindfully is being in a constant state of conscious awareness in which we are accurately aware of the information we receive and also of the information we give. The information can be in the form of intellectual knowledge supported by facts but the information I am referring to is emotional information and the way it is transmitted and delivered through our words, actions, non-verbals and behaviour.
Mindfulness is a state of openness in which we actively distinguish facts of reality instead of acting on the basis of our perception. Perception, simply put, is but one version of the whole truth and in practising mindfulness we seek to better understand the truths.
Most people, conduct themselves in an inactive state of mind mainly categorized by or over-reliance on distinctions that they have drawn in the past or from past experiences in which they become oblivious to the facts within their current context. This is known as "mindlessness". When people live their lives mindlessly, they become trapped in their rigid perspectives limiting their capacity to see things for what they are or from another perspective. What's worse it that often these are the same people who will see it and feel it in other people, but who are blind to it in themselves.
As this Ancient Proverb suggests: "Don't point out the splinter in your neighbour's eye. First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the splinter from your neighbour's eye".
Most people lead their lives through their emotions. Not that this is a bad thing, because we are feeling creatures after all but what is important to consider is that, parallel to wearing our hearts on our sleeves as we go through the motions (often difficult motions) of life, is that often, these emotions determine our quality of life. As such, we experience inconsistencies in our feelings and behaviours, constantly striving for approval and validation by others and resorting to being overly agreeable, forsaking our own beliefs, values, and truths. This approach, not only is it inauthentic, it is merely a reaction driven by fear and insecurity within ourselves with an intent to gain approval from others. Simply put, we are sacrificing authenticity, trying to be someone we are not, to please others. This was my story, for a very, very, very, very long time! I didn't realize it was, until someone helped point it out for me... A blessing in disguise, to be honest!
Bottom line, understanding where we are today helps build a foundation for the future. Are you ready?!
This journey towards mindfulness begins with your attitude; a change in attitude. Attitudes involve intention. Intention sets the stage for the possibilities that surround mindfulness. Let's be in the present on purpose!
The 7 Attitudes of Mindfulness
The following content is taken and adapted from the course I took in mindfulness and I really liked it and now I am sharing it with you to use.
1) Develop a non-judgmental attitude: We are judgmental creatures. We live in a society that has taught us to judge. We judge appearances, people, race, culture, basically everything that is different than what we know. We live in a society filled of prejudice and bigotry. But in reality, no one person likes to be judged...So why do we judge? The answer is, we don't have to judge. We can develop a non-judgmental attitude.
We can "unlearn" this behaviour. This begins by seeking to love ourselves a little harder, imperfections and all. We can seek to stop aligning our self-worth with the approval of others. We can build a non-judgemental attitude by accepting ourselves, and just being ok with... just being imperfect. We can develop a non-judgmental attitude by becoming more aware of our judgments of others as well. When we begin to notice and acknowledge our judgments and the way in which we judge, we can consciously begin to stop.
2) Develop patience: Developing patience requires us to let things unfold as they may and in their own time. Not only does everything happen for a reason, it happens when it is supposed to happen. I often struggle with having patience, especially when I am unhappy with something. I want it to change, and to change right now, but I sometimes have to remind myself that there is a lesson in everything and every experience. Once that lesson is learned, change happens. We must also practice patience within ourselves. We don't excel at something the first time we try it. It takes time.
How many of you have rushed through an uncomfortable situation? Or live a rushed life because there is always somewhere to be? Developing patience also involves living in the moment and being completely open to each moment, accepting it at its fullest, knowing that everything will work out as it should. I know this sounds a bit cliche but living in the moment allows you to live it to the fullest. Life passes us by so quickly, why rush it more? They say we only live one... but really we live every day, we just have to stop, breathe and experience every moment, so to speak. Sometimes living in the moment is difficult, maybe start with taking in every experience that feels really good and enjoying it to the fullest.
3) Develop or adopt a beginner's mind: In other words, see with fresh eyes. In doing so we can begin to see this as they actually are. Each moment in life is unique and holds unique opportunities and so when we cultivate a mind that is willing to see everything as if we are seeing if for the first time, we open ourselves up to new opportunities, rather than staying stuck in our old ways and perspectives. This attitude is about challenging yourself to see things differently and from new perspectives.
4) Develop an attitude of trust: Developing trust is no easy task, especially if it feels lost. However, finding that trust can be extremely beneficial because when we begin to trust our own intuition and authority, we begin to take responsibility for ourselves and our own well-being. We can begin to develop an attitude of trust by developing trust in ourselves and in our feelings.
Our self-doubt and perfectionism often stand in the way of our ability to self-trust, but the more we believe in our inherent self-worth, self-growth can begin. We surely will make mistakes along the way but with self-trust, there are no limitations. We can live life our own life honouring our feelings, intuition and wisdom.
5) Develop an attitude of non-striving: Being authentic; your true self. Being authentic requires us to pay closer attention to how we are being in the moment; however that is. When we can focus carefully seeing and accepting things as they are, moment by moment, act accordingly, and let go of any preconceived notion, we become more authentic; true to ourselves. Stop striving, start living.
We often waste a lot of time and energy denying what fact is, or our emotions or whatever. We often try to force situations to how we would like them prevents us from seeing things as they are in the present and from being our true selves. We just need to be our authentic selves.
6) Practice unconditional acceptance: Now is the time to accept ourselves as imperfect, flawed in every way because until we do, change cannot occur. Acceptance is not passive; it certainly does not mean we must like everything and give up our values and beliefs. It just means that we must resign ourselves from believing that we must just tolerate things. Acceptance of our imperfections means we fight to break free of self-sabotaging habits and continue to grow and change. Acceptance is a willingness to accept things as they are.
7) Develop an attitude of letting go: We must learn to let things be; accept things as they are. Sometimes we find it extremely difficult to let go of something because it consumes our minds. In these circumstances we can turn our attention to what it feels like to hold onto something and remind ourselves that holding on is opposite of letting go. We already know how to let go...
Easier said than done, certainly, but with letting go, comes freedom! When we learn to let go of things that no longer serve us, we no longer allow it to control us. Forgiveness is never about the other person, it is about letting go. We might have to forgive others, but often we must forgive ourselves to move forward. Staying stuck in the past, simply keeps us from letting go and moving forward.
In conclusion, much of the time people are mindless. Of course, they are unaware when they are in that state of mind because they are 'not there' to notice. To notice, they must be mindful.
So, in the attempt of honouring simplicity, here are the ABC's of mindfulness that anyone can follow:
Appreciate. Each present moment, whatever you are doing. Gratefulness stretches the heart and increases awareness of the present moment.
Be still. We're human beings, not human doings. Practice being at peace within yourself each day.
Clean house. Meaning, your mind. Remove the static from your life and anything that isn't serving either yourself or the other people that you know.
Perfectly Imperfect,
Stephanie
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